


Nothing I Can Save

by lucdarling



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-19
Updated: 2012-02-19
Packaged: 2017-10-31 10:50:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/343236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucdarling/pseuds/lucdarling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Grief can't be shared. Everyone carries it alone. His own burden in his own way." - Anne Morrow Lindbergh</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing I Can Save

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this prompt](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/3266.html?thread=1851330#t1851330)

The Avengers are widely hailed as the guys who come in at the last minute and save the day. Most of the city loves them (shop owners after the team has fought nearby are harried and aggravated until S.H.I.E.L.D. picks up the expenses of reconstruction.) and life is good. The city has their own team of first responders to handle the aliens, the magic-wielders and the just plain strange.

But not even superheroes arrive on time to solve every problem.

Steve is the first to arrive at the site. He runs into the room and he backs out just as quickly. “Avengers, stand down. Do not enter.” His voice breaks at the end of the order. Thor lands next to him and Steve shakes his head. 

He’s not exactly surprised when Natasha walks out of the room slowly a few minutes later. Steve doesn’t say a word about how he didn’t even see her enter or that she disobeyed orders because he knows they were friends. Her steps are heavy, boots crunching over debris as she walks past the group to where the Iron Man suit is touching down.

Steve watches as Tony lifts the faceplate up but is too far away to hear if he and Natasha exchange words. They must, because Tony takes a step backward before he aims his palms at the ground and flies the short distance to the door. Natasha watches him from a distance. Tony stands in the doorway alone, looking at the scene inside. Steve’s heart pounds against his rib cage as he stares at the back of his partner’s armored suit.

Tony walks into the room and emerges carrying the body of Pepper Potts. He doesn’t say a word to anyone, cradling her close to his chest. The light of the arc reactor highlights the bruises on her wrists and the fair complexion that’s paler than usual.

The funeral is three days later, attended by most of Stark Industries and a large number of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. It’s the first time Steve or anyone else has seen Tony since the battle and discovery. Tony, stone cold sober, gets up to give the eulogy and just stands next to the coffin, looking lost. He cries silently in front of everyone and Steve goes to put a hand on his arm, to tell him it’s okay to grieve. The man shakes his hand off and goes back to his seat. Steve returns to his and tells himself not to take it personally. Rhodey starts to speak instead.

The Avengers go back to the mansion and Tony is the first through the door. He strips off his jacket and tie quickly, leaving one in a heap on the floor and the strip of silk draped over the piano bench. Steve makes to follow him downstairs to his workshop but the door won’t open.

“JARVIS, what is Tony doing?” Steve asks quietly. He can see Tony hunched over his array of touch screens, the sleeves of his dress shirt bunched around his elbows.

“I am not permitted to say, Captain.” The British voice sounds apologetic to Steve’s ears. “May I suggest a nap? You look weary.” Steve takes the hint and climbs the stairs to the main level of the mansion.

He waits up all night for Tony to emerge. He doesn’t.

Steve goes back to the workshop in the morning, two mugs of coffee clutched in his hands. He taps on the glass but Tony ignores him. If he even hears, since Steve can feel the vibration of the bass through the glass. He leaves the coffee outside the door and returns to the rest of the team for breakfast.

“How is he?” Bruce questions. Steve’s shoulders drop.

“He won’t let me in the workshop. JARVIS won’t answer any questions. It looks like he’s working on something inside the computer but I have no idea.”

Natasha hums quietly and Steve looks at her. “You know something I don’t, Natasha?” She stares at him with cool eyes and Steve blinks first.

“Give it time, Steven.” Her voice is low. “We all deal with grief in different ways.” She nods to Clint who’s just coming into the kitchen and leaves her mug of tea on the counter as she walks out.

Steve is helpless to do anything but watch over the next week and a half. Tony exchanges his dress shirt and slacks for his usual wifebeater and sweatpants after day two. The pile of espresso cups (Steve forgot that Tony installed a machine) grows in the corner and Tony’s hair sticks up in all directions. There are dark circles under his eyes when the genius looks over at Steve watching him work - Steve is pretty sure Tony isn’t looking at him because his brown eyes are distant.

JARVIS opens the door to the workshop two weeks after Pepper’s death. Steve stops, shocked that there’s finally an entrance. He steps in cautiously and Tony waves a hand at him.

“Hey Steve, come look at this.” Steve wanders closer and peers over his shoulder.

“JARVIS, run program P-squared Alpha.” Tony orders and Steve’s jaw drops as a hologram of Pepper appears above the tabletop.

“Tony, you are being completely ridiculous.” She says and the familiar words are like a one-two punch straight to Steve’s heart. The hologram bends forward and her red hair falls into her face at the motion. Pepper brushes it back with one slim hand, starting to chastise Tony about how he can’t go so long without sleeping. “Your projects will still be here, so it’s past time for you to go to bed. I’m sure Steve’s more than worried about you. Stop ignoring him.” Her voice softens. “This isn’t healthy, Tony.”

“That’s enough, Pep. I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself.” He argues back. Steve watches as the woman who isn’t really there sighs and crosses her arms. She looks up at the ceiling. “JARVIS, would you please not respond to Tony after a half hour?” 

“Of course, Ms. Potts.”

Now it’s Tony’s turn to yell into the empty workshop. “JARVIS you traitor!”

“Wait a minute.” Steve interjects. “I don’t understand. Tony, what did you _do_?” The man turns to him and Steve can see that he’s running on nothing but caffeine and grief.

“I brought Pepper back. Sort of.” He gives a grim smile as Steve’s stomach sinks. “I can’t actually bring her back because a god I am not but this,” Tony gestures with a hand to the Pepper that looks so real before them, “she’s the same as always. She’ll remind me to eat, and she’ll tell me that I should wear the black tie over the blue because of reasons that only make sense to a woman and she’s never going to leave me.” His voice grows fierce at the end and then Tony’s face crumples.

“JARVIS, end program.” The hologram of Pepper winks out and Steve takes a step forward. He draws Tony into his arms. “I miss her, Steve. I don’t know how I can, she’s always been there. Even when I was young and stupid.”

“Shhh, it’s going to be-” Steve stops short of saying ‘okay’ because he knows it won’t be. He had always hated that when the Howling Commandos had said that to him after Bucky. “You still have her memory and the photographs.” His arms tighten around Tony. “I’m not sure recreating her is the best idea though. I don’t think she’s be very pleased with you.”

Tony gives a watery laugh against Steve’s shoulder. “I doubt it. But she’s not here to tell me different.”

“Hush,” Steve soothes. “Just come to bed, Tony.” He looks down at the smaller man. “You need sleep. Hologram or not, she was right.” Tony nods wearily and lets Steve put an arm around his shoulders.

Steve gently steers him up the stairs and undresses him slowly. Tony looks ready to drop so Steve quickly stuffs him into his pajamas and pushes him towards the bed they share. Tony lies down in the middle and curls into Steve’s side. The arc reactor is hard against Steve’s ribs but he only pulls his lover closer to him.


End file.
